


Pillows & Blankets & Serial Killer

by Morganatique9



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Basically pure nonsense, Gen, Halloween, Horror, Mild Smut, Or do if you want, Parody, Retelling of Season 3 Pillows & Blankets, Thriller, don't mind it, horror prompt, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27313408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morganatique9/pseuds/Morganatique9
Summary: This is Halloween. France is quarantined. I’m bored and had rum. Asked for the Discord folks to give me a horror prompt. CeleryLapel gave me this idea. So here it is. Enjoy. It’s honestly a lot of nonsense, don’t take it seriously.Okay, actual summary now: What if there was a serial killer during the great Pillows & Blanket battle of Greendale?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	Pillows & Blankets & Serial Killer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CeleryLapel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeleryLapel/gifts).



> Sooooo this is a good ol' style parody, really not meant to be taken seriously (or if you want to, feel free but honestly, it's just pure nonsense)
> 
> This is a horror prompt my Discord friend CeleryLapel gave me when I suggested writing one after having some rum tonight. Here it is: "There’s a serial killer on the loose in the pillow and blanket fort. Feel free to throw some smut in, liberally." Writer's creativity has taken over!
> 
> As I said in the summary, it's Halloween night, we're quarantined and I was bored, so voilà! This has definitely entertained me all evening, and even though it's completely crazy, I kind of hope it'll entertain you too.
> 
> Fair warning - there's a tiny bit of smut in it, don't read if you don't feel comfortable with sexual content.
> 
> I dedicate this pure nonsense to all my Community Discord #fan-fic channel's friends. I know you'll love it.

***

Greendale was a mess of a school, it was common knowledge. But on that night, it was even worse than usual. Pillows were thrown all over the place, blankets were thrown out to defeat the enemy, but what the fighters didn’t know at the time, which put them in literal danger, was that a very dangerous serial killer was on the loose, ready to catch them all.

The first person who had the misfortune of crossing paths with the serial killer was Garrett. As a faithful member of the Legit Republic of Blanketsburg, he had been appointed official infiltrator by no one other than Troy Barnes himself. Therefore, Garrett was on his way to the United Forts of Pillowtown’s camp in the library to spy on them. He felt sincerely empowered and took this mission with great responsibility and seriousness. He did not want to disappoint Troy. He wanted to return home successful under the raining applause of his comrades.

Unfortunately, poor misfortune stood in the way of Garrett’s achievement. Indeed, as he was making his way along the blanket fort to join the pillow fort, he was suddenly grabbed by his two feet and dragged along the other way around. Garrett was endlessly screaming, too scared to turn around and face his assailant. He screamed, no, he _screeched_ in the hopes that someone would come and help him, save him from the uncertain fate that was hanging above his head. Alas, his fellow companions were all in the raging battle that was occurring at the moment, leaving a distraught screeching Garrett to disappear into the darkness of the blankets, to the eerie sound of thunders echoing from outside.

***

It was not long until the serial killer found his second victim. Alex “Star-burns” Osborne from the United Forts of Pillowtown troops had been appointed with the same honor as Garrett. Crawling along the arrangement of pillows on his side of the battle, Starburns aimed to reach the enemy’s camp to gather information for his leader. Unfortunately, he did not have time to make it until the end and got suddenly hit in the face by a pillow, so violently he fell to the ground and passed out. Before his eyes closed and his vision blurred into complete darkness, Starburns saw a strange face approaching him, getting closer to him. The face was wearing a very disturbing Rowan Atkinson’s mask.

***

Eventually, Troy noticed that Garrett, his designated undercover agent, never returned safely from his mission. Worried, Troy decided to take the matter into his own hands and go find his soldier himself.

As he was crawling under the blankets of his realm, Troy frowned, noticing that more and more of his soldiers seemed to vanish one at a time. Were Abed’s troops really taking it this far? Was he about to lose the war?

All of a sudden, someone grabbed him by the ankle and Troy let out a high-pitched scream. He turned around, ready to face something horrible. Instead, he was greeted by the concerned face of Shirley.

“What the hell Shirley!” Troy exclaimed, still terrified.

“I’m sorry Troy but I needed to speak with you, there’s an urgent matter that needs to be handled right now.” Shirley said, out of breath.

“What is it? Has Garrett returned?”

“Unfortunately, he hasn’t. But some of our soldiers managed to walk into the enemy’s territory and they made a rather concerning discovery.”

“Which is?”

“A lot of people are disappearing. And not just from our camp. From both camps. The rumor has it that there’s a…”

Shirley seemed to be unable to finish her sentence, covering her mouth as her eyes filled with pure terror. Troy turned around and patted her on the shoulder to encourage her to keep talking.

“Oh Troy, Lord help us, there’s a serial killer here, and he’s taking us all, one by one.” Shirley said in a scared voice.

“One by one, they all just fade away…” Troy mumbled, now terrified himself.

“What should we do now?” Shirley asked him. “I can’t die, I still have my kids to take care of and I still haven’t passed my degree –“

“Calm down, Shirley.” Troy abruptly interrupted her before grabbing her by the shoulders. “We’re going to figure this out. Let’s just… Okay, I’m going to call for a retreat. This is a very serious matter, we need to deal with it calmly.”

Shirley vigorously nodded, holding back the tears of fear that begged to roll down from her eyes. Troy tried to be as reassuring as possible, however, once he got back to his microphone, he was overwhelmed with a feeling of fright and couldn’t control himself anymore.

“LEGIT REPUBLIC OF BLANKETSBURG, THERE’S A SERIAL KILLER ON OUR TERRITORY!” Troy cried into the microphone, his voice echoing all around him. “RETREAT, I REPEAT, RETREAT!”

***

Abed tilted his head up at the sound of Troy’s voice resonating from the other side of campus. Abed frowned. If Troy hadn’t managed to be discreet at all, it was probably because something terrible was happening. And Abed had noticed that some of his soldiers never returned from their mission.

But Abed was brave, Abed didn’t want to flee combat without a fight first. Therefore, he gathered all of his courage and crouched in order to crawl along the pillows’ tunnel that was his camp.

It was silent around him. Awfully silent. Not even Leonard’s merciless farts could be heard anymore. Utter and complete silence. Loneliness. That’s all Abed could feel. And he didn’t like it. Not when a war was happening barely five minutes ago.

As he was getting closer to the administration lane, Abed heard some noise coming from the end of the hallway. He froze, suddenly frightened. Was it the serial killer Troy had mentioned in his latest announcement? Abed was afraid but he also needed to find out, to stop this person once and for all before they could do any harm to his friends.

Abed was slowly but carefully crawling along the way, getting closer to the weird noises. There were loud “bang”s, objects falling to the floor, discreet moans, even. Abed squinted and got closer. The noises came from a janitor’s closet. It was probably the serial killer ruthlessly ending another one of his victims’ life.

Suddenly undertaken by adrenaline and fearlessness, Abed crawled out of the tunnel, stood up on his two feet and did what the hero in a thriller movie would do – letting a growing roar emerging from his lungs as he kicked out the door to save the innocent victim.

***

** A few minutes before. **

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, we might get caught…”

“You seriously think we’re going to get caught? Come on, they’re all obsessed with their sleepover party war, nobody’s going to notice we’re gone. Trust me.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right. Besides, it’s kind of exciting. Us, sneaking out, hiding in the hopes nobody’s going to catch us.”

“I know, it turns me on too. A lot.”

“Is this really how secret relationships feel like?”

“It is. It’s what makes it even hotter.”

“God, you’re hot.”

“No, _you_ ’re hot.”

The make-out session began in the administration corridor and as it got heated pretty fast, it ended up into the nearest janitor’s closet. The door was shut brusquely, allowing them to get some intimacy for what was about to happen. They both stayed in the dark, which made the situation even more thrilling.

Hot kisses were shared, clothes were ripped off and thrown to the other side of the closet, object on shelves were swept. At this point, she didn’t even care about her fear of being caught. Her arousal was too overwhelming and she almost forgot her own name when he swiftly went down on her.

After almost a minute of intense pleasure and moaning, she sighed heavily and asked in a raspy voice:

“Do you have a condom?”

As he got back up to face her, he nodded and instantly looked for his pants in the darkness of the room, his pants that were brutally thrown away a couple of minutes ago. She licked her lower lip and waited patiently, only hearing him fumbling around with his hands on the floor to look for what he was searching.

“Can’t you just turn the light on?” She eventually asked impatiently.

“I could but I think it would definitely draw attention here.” He responded calmly. “I gathered that’s not really what you wanted, right?”

She grunted frustratingly, knowing he was right, and kept on waiting. At some point, she heard the liberating sound of something being unwrapped and she sighed in content. She was already gasping at the thought of being one with him, something she had been waiting all day long amongst this never ending nonsense.

She suddenly felt _him_ against her and she moaned, exhilarated to finally get what she wanted. As she was starting to be in seventh heaven, it was all ruined by the loud “bang!” that the door made when it was kicked open, revealing their two naked bodies in the hallway’s light.

She screamed in horror. He screamed in horror. The person who kicked the door screamed in horror too. There were a few seconds of fluttering until the person brutally closed their eyes and blindly ran away on their left.

“Well, that was embarrassing.” He said plainly.

“ _Embarrassing_?” She repeated in an outraged yell. “Abed’s seen us!!”

“He’s a big boy, he’ll get over it.” He shrugged.

“Are you sure? Because –“

She could never finish her sentence as a chilling scream resonated in the corridor to interrupt her.

***

After seeing that scene of horror as he had kicked the closet’s door open, Abed was running purposelessly around school, trying to flee what he had just seen. Well, he hadn’t seen much because he had covered his eyes quickly. But he definitely understood what was going on in that closet and _who_ was in it, mostly.

Eventually, he had to stop, exhausted from his run. Abed could run so fast he was already at the other end of the campus, back into the Pillows territory. He crouched to get into the pillow tunnel, safe and sound. He should have been comforted, reassured. However, an eerie chill went down his spine as he was catching his breath. Abed was _not_ alone here.

Slowly, he turned around to meet the other person’s eyes. Before facing them, he was convinced it was the serial killer. After taking down all of his comrades, all of his enemies, all of his _friends_ , he was now here to take _him_. The war would soon be over.

Abed tilted his head up to look unafraid, to look fearless, even if the terror was eating him alive. He needed to be strong. The hero in the thriller movie was always strong and fearless, even though he was aware he was about to face his own death. Abed was the hero of his own movie. He needed to be fearless too.

Bracing himself for what he was about to see, Abed finally turned around completely to see the figure at the other end of the pillow tunnel. Abed stiffened. He was expecting pretty much everything… but certainly not _that_.

“I see.” Abed humbly nodded. “My demise will be due to Mister Bean. What an ironic way to die.”

The serial killer didn’t say anything back and swallowing hardly, Abed closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. He could hear the soft fabric of the pillows being brushed as the killer was getting closer and closer to him. At least, Abed knew he would die a hero, someone who tried to save everyone but had to sacrifice himself in order to do so. He knew his name will be remembered, he knew his sacrifice will not be vain, he knew his friends will –

“Dude, what are you doing? We’re not going to kiss, you can open your eyes, jeez.”

Startled, Abed slowly opened his eyes, one after the other. The Rowan Atkinson mask was now right in front of his face, so close his nose could touch it.

“I don’t understand.” Abed admits, confused. “You’re not going to kill me?”

“Wh – why the hell would I kill you??”

“I don’t know, you’re the serial killer, _you_ tell _me_ why you kill people.”

“I’m not a serial killer, idiot!”

And with that, the Rowan Atkinson’s mask fell off and Abed could then meet the real face of his nemesis.

“Huh.” Abed let out. “Shouldn’t even surprise me, in the end.”

“Yeah dumb-dumb, the Dean hired me to put a stop to this nonsense.”

“So if you didn’t kill anyone… Where is everybody?”

“Oh they’re in the cafeteria drinking a hot cocoa before going home.” The fake serial killer casually answered. “It’s kind of late after all, people need to be awake to get on the road, ya know.”

“Oh. Nice. Can I join?”

“Sure, sure, follow me.”

With that, Abed crawled behind Chang in order to follow him all the way to the cafeteria. Indeed, both the Pillows and Blankets camps were sitting on the floor, all mixed together, quietly enjoying their hot chocolate as they were reconciling. When he saw that, the first thing Abed did was look for this familiar face he desperately needed to make amends with. When he finally spotted him, Abed moved in his direction and sat down next to him. He was barely on the floor that a hot cocoa in a Subway mug was handed to him.

“Thanks.” He briefly greeted the person who gave it to him. “Hey Troy.” He then said.

“Hey Abed.” Troy plainly responded.

“Remember those friendship hats Jeff wanted to give us earlier?” Abed asked him.

“Yeah.” Troy sighed.

“Want to go get them?”

There was a silence afterwards in which Abed nervously waited for his best friend’s response. Eventually, Troy lifted his head up to look at him and as his sweet brown eyes met his, Abed let out a relieved sigh at Troy’s smile.

***

While the two friends were walking towards the Dean’s office, they were catching up on what happened during this fight between their two camps, reminiscing about what they had seen.

“I think I caught two people about to have sex in a janitor’s closet.” Abed bluntly told Troy.

“You did?? Who was it? Do we know them?” Troy asked curiously.

“I’m not going to reveal information on this because in the end, it has to remain this story’s real mystery.”

“Oh. You know, if you’re not intending to disclose the information, there’s no point in telling the story in the first place.”

“But what’s a good Halloween horror story without a good mystery?”

After saying that, Abed turned his head on his left to wink at an imaginary camera as Troy looked at him with utter confusion in his eyes.

“Abed, it’s not even Halloween yet!”

Somewhere, in a corner, neither Abed nor Troy were aware that a piece of vegetable laid suspiciously on the floor. Nothing other than a piece of…

Celery.

**Author's Note:**

> I deliberately did not mention who are the two naughties in the janitor's closet, I'll leave that up to interpretation ;)


End file.
